from The Avatar Magazine. Volume II / Issue 2. ~ You may choose to print this page. As with any program, people can choose to consult their own physician to be sure a program fits their situation.
Authority to reproduce this page from Star's Edge Inc. and from the author, Val Williams, July 2000.
 
I never knew exactly when I became depressed. I had been depressed for most of my 39 years. It's funny how a person can learn to live with certain low-grade dull despair. Soon it is transparent and you assume it is true: "I am depressed. That's just who I am."
Avatar dissolved my despair. In eight days, I went from a state of deep self-doubt and painful isolation to a state of serenity and joy I thought I would never know.
It was important to me to know exactly how the Avatar course was able to be the catalyst for this miracle. I needed to be sure that I would not fall into that dark pit again. What I finally felt was that this was the thing I had searched for and longed for my whole life: my own internal sense of well-being. Miraculously, I now have that inner peace. I am well.
What did the Avatar course have that was so different from the other personal growth experiences? I had already done TM, Lifespring, NLP, walked across hot coals, scream therapy, yoga, traditional psychotherapy, and A Course in Miracles. I loved each one of these experiences and advanced a step each time.
Psychotherapy brought me to being aware of what I was doing; Yoga taught me to experience body tension and release it; scream therapy showed me the wonderful ecstasy of letting it all out; walking on hot coals helped me face fear in a new way; Lifespring showed me that whatever was in my life is what I was committed to; TM taught me to relax and heal, and NLP taught me to organize existing thoughts in a useful way. Every one of these courses helped me. I was grateful.
Surprisingly, Avatar soars way beyond all of these. In spite of all I had learned, I still frequently fell into deep states of despair. I felt that no one else could understand my depression. My life looked so good on the outside: professionally successful, happily married, financially secure. So, how could I have a sense that it was all meaningless? The more successful I became, the deeper the doubt. "Is this what life is? And now that I have the career, marriage, and suburban house, what do I do? Do this for 40 more years? And I don't even feel confident about it all... and I could fail any moment... and everyone thinks I should be happy... What is life's meaning anyway?"
Sinking into self-doubt deeper and darker...Then Avatar! Suddenly, I was being coached to feel, not think, to experience, not plan, to accept, not resist. The first thing I noticed as that depression is not actually a bad feeling. Depression is not feeling anything at all. That's why I was depressed, not trusting my own senses and emotion. No wonder I felt so isolated.
Avatar showed me the road back to emotions. And suddenly, I remembered! I remembered the time before the darkness, when I used to feel things. And with this memory, my heart broke open. I cried all the tears of all the ages. And then I wanted to feel everything again. Sadness, joy, happiness, anger all felt o.k. to feel.
My depression started lifting because I was reclaiming and experiencing all the feelings I had suppressed. Once I let them out, I had new energy each moment. Then Avatar showed me the most powerful truth: that I am the creator of all my life - the things I like, things I don't like. I even created the depression. This truth was not an intellectual knowing like what I had heard in other courses. It was a "feeling knowing." I got it in my gut through actually experiencing that "I Create." This key truth totally dissolved any remaining depression. Once I saw that I create everything, I knew I was the source of my own well-being. And I created peace.
I came to understand and actually be grateful for having created my depression. That painful isolated state is what drove me to work for and attain enlightenment. I had felt so bad, so low, so dead, that I was ready and open to releasing the old and accepting the new.
Avatar saved my life. I feel in no danger of being depressed again. I have me now, and I am awake. I radiate peace and warmth now. For those who are still depressed, I have deep empathy. I really understand that isolated lonely place. It feels so real when you are down there. However, that place is only an idea that we have; we can step out precisely at the moment we come to know that we can.
I found what I was looking for all my life, and it had been quietly waiting inside me to be discovered. I'm right here.